This last lecture gives a warm and cozy feeling. We had a chance to talk to more people outside our own tutorial groups and surprisingly met both Shane and Shamantha, whom apparently Prof. Ben didn’t know would show up as well. If you are new, this is a continuation of the IT2900 Weekly Reflection series where I share my responses to the weekly assignments of this course.

The previous week’s blog post was titled “Win Yourself Without Losing Others” You can take a look if you later find this article interesting.

Three Most Important Takeaways

The lecture revolves around the core pillars of leadership that we learned throughout the semester, as well as shifting the content towards ourselves. We were asked the most important questions about our purpose in life and what we would like to be remembered for. Ultimately, it all boils down to us, for us, to see through and understand ourselves before going out and leading others. The following key points are also the principles for drafting my leadership philosophy video.

Point #1 – Pleasure, Passion, and Purpose

My takeaways here are oriented from us towards others. The 3Ps in the title of this section are, I believe, the key factors that bring happiness in life. Interestingly, I found that my life cannot be happy if I try to maximise one of the pillars while substantially removing the others. If pleasure is the most important, my everyday life will lack direction and a sense of meaning. The joy can only come from pausing all activities and watching videos on YouTube and social media. On the other hand, my passion may not necessarily be my purpose, and external factors like burnout may cause unhappiness. I think we all know what makes us feel pleased and what we are passionate about. However, I personally think a sense of purpose is something I lack.

If I use some goals as a purpose, what happens afterward seems to be a daunting question. Before I started this course, I was having a dilemma about the purpose of life. I am glad that we learned in the first lecture that everything boils down to values, and this course is oriented around that. I was so keen to discover the purpose or values of myself, so I guess the timing of this course was perfect. Eventually, I would say I have a better sense of purpose and values in life, but I have not yet fully discovered them. To be fair, I think it is not something meant to be easy. It is not static; it may change throughout the years. In the long term, I believe that is the reason why we should occasionally ask ourselves questions like “What would you do if you had only a month to live?” etc.

A sense of purpose gives you direction, and direction helps you become more self-aware. I believe that as a person or as a leader, we should have a clear sense of what we want and, most importantly, what we are feeling. Through writing and these kinds of reflections, I have developed a better sense of it throughout the semester. We should understand these key points before trying to understand others.

Point #2 – Your Feet Don’t Fit in Others’ Shoes

Once we know ourselves, it is important to learn how to take perspective correctly. We cannot apply our thoughts and who we are as a person to help others make decisions or communicate with them. More generally, we should not make (too many) assumptions. I believe assumptions, in some sense, help guide the clarification questions to ask in the first place, but having too many assumptions can lead to close-ended questions or, more likely, trying to find solutions for others.

The key point here is that people operate and are motivated differently. It is not only that people have different mindsets or ways of seeing the world, but there might also be something underlying their behaviors and actions that they don’t want to share. As I learned from one of the tutorials, people always have some hidden agenda or something they want. I would say we must be aware if they are trying to take advantage of us (or vice versa). I also remember that within the same situation, there is a relatively low probability that everyone will share the same emotions. Other than that, there is also a low probability that people who share the same emotions will behave similarly. Therefore, it all boils down to not assuming too quickly and not trusting yourself that you know someone well, it may just be an illusion from your perspective. Ultimately, ask more open-ended and intentional questions to gain more insights before you climb up the ladder of inference. Wordings can also play important roles; think about whether we need to say something, say it this way, or say it at this time.

Point #3 – You Don’t Have to Win All the Time

Eventually, communicating with others may not end up in a good position. Conflicts are bound to happen (and are annoying). Ideally, we want to resolve conflicts by creating a win-win solution where both parties get what they want, but life is hard, and you generally cannot win all the time. In that case, we may look for a (not lose)–(not lose) situation, i.e., compromising where both parties try to find middle ground.

However, life may still not be that easy. We may want to (not win) sometimes, which doesn’t mean we lose. It means that we “take” it in the form of goodwill, which later helps build trust in the organization or among the people we are dealing with. Before this course, I knew that I was more on the losing side since I felt it was easier, and I usually didn’t have a strong will to fight for something. But I think now I should think more about whether losing this will give me anything (such as goodwill) in return. Some people just want to take advantage of others, and it is important to be aware of that.

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To sum up, I would say being a (good) leader is ultimately about being a good person who understands oneself, knows how to view things through the perspective of others, asks a lot of questions before concluding, is eager to develop others to be as good as or even better than oneself, and appreciates the fact that one cannot win all the time.